Giving Chance a Shot

2017 did not really start out great and at the first half of it, I told myself, “This is definitely not my year.”

October of last year, I decided to explore a new environment where I can harness my KSAs and planned to develop them for a long-term basis. Eventually, after the struggles I have had being alone in a generally wide scope of responsibilities, I felt fulfilled yet at the same time, got bored.

I am not saying that I am not happy with what I am doing but it’s just that I am lacking the right motivation to kick myself out of the bed every morning. Being so self-aware, I actually approached one of my bosses and told him what I am going through. He asked me if I am going out enough to at least balance my work and personal life. It got me thinking and I realized he meant “going out” as dating.

Recharge

I’ve been through a lot of stress lately, especially at work. I got to the point where I cried out my frustrations and allowed madness to take over me. However, letting in the negativity did not help. I kept ranting to a colleague, I kept making excuses to not take full responsibility of problems at hand. I wanted to escape.

Whenever I am faced with a trial, it is normal for me to shut the rest of the world off. It doesn’t always mean when I am not talking or not smiling at you, I am taking life too seriously. I need people to understand that it is my way to recharge, to take time to think and process whether all that I did and will do were and are the right things to do.

This past two weeks were probably the most difficult I’ve been involved with in terms of my job. I thought I’ve encountered the most awful ones in my previous employer but this one’s probably is the worst situation I’ve been in. Not to disclose any information on it though, but honestly, I felt so trapped – I did not know what to do. I had no one who can fully understand to share it with. Well, I actually do, but they are not physically present to empathize with me. What I did was I kept everything to myself, bravely thinking, “I can get through this.” until I realized that, “No, I can’t. I need help.. right now.”

Getting Back on Track

Okay… I felt kinda embarrassed with myself as I opened WordPress again (after 2 months). I know I have committed to write more often but turns out, I haven’t. And so here I am trying my best to update.

What was up? I THINK I am probably the busiest, if not, laziest person I have been the past few months. Busiest – because I have too much stuff going on with my work (as I am still adjusting and in transition) and school which I have too many requirements and paper work to deal with. Laziest – because honestly, whenever I come home from work, I hurriedly prepare myself for bed and neglect any pending things I need to do. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP RIGHT AWAY. I know it’s not a good thing. I am pretty well aware of that. I procrastinate a lot and I admit I somehow have lost my time management skills and it is totally not helping me. I even forget (intentionally, most of the time) to do household chores.

This week, it may be weird for you, I looked at the mirror and told myself, “When are you going to wake up, girl? It’s you, you alone can get yourself back on track. This is not your usual self. Go and find yourself  again.”

It was amazing how God works because while I was looking at the mirror, I was actually kneeling down – which reminds me that I am in the right position to start everything anew again. The first step was so clear to me… and that is to pray. Oh how great God is! After I prayed, I received a message from my mom on Messenger. She was sharing how her day went. Our daily random chat consists of anything we can talk about. But that day was different as she suddenly shared to me something about being an inspiration to others – on a daily basis or if not, even in the smallest things we do. She continued, reminding me how important it is to glorify God in all that I do because everything that we do for God’s glory could inspire others.

I admit my heart melted at the moment. That was what I totally needed. I remembered a bible verse saying exactly that. As I grabbed my bible to check it out, an old bookmark fell. It was a bookmark given by our team leader during our church’s Triple “S” Baptist Youth Camp in 2011. And oh how God spoke to me that day! The bookmark says:

1 Corinthians 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”

That day, I have decided to get myself back on track and do everything for God’s glory… and to avoid complaining just because of restlessness and keep in mind that complaining will not do me any good and it will not glorify Him.

So far, I have managed to cope with the stress life brings and just be optimistic about anything that’s happening around me. Being spiritually-guided helped me get back on track.

I am eternally grateful for God’s presence in my life – be it through my family or in the smallest occurrences that happen in my daily life.

I am inspired again… because God is my eternal inspiration and I should hold on to His promises for with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

Carpe diem,
Jhen

Midnight Thoughts 02

I always thought that goodbyes are sad, tough, and really hard to do. I have encountered some goodbyes in the past and none of them seemed to be so exciting and fulfilling. But, in this phase in my life, I have never felt so excited to exit from something I have been longing to leave. Not that I am not grateful for being a part of it but having had the courage for letting go of something worthwhile to achieve better horizons and experience new opportunities… is the most satisfying kind of goodbye.

Goodbye to the old stresses.

Peace of Mind

Today, I have finally decided on something important. I have been praying about something for the past few months already and I believe, God has been so good. Most of the time, our prayers don’t really get the answers straight right through. Sometimes, these answers take time to reveal themselves to us – through circumstances that we don’t expect to happen.

The answer to my prayer was revealed today. God has finally given me the answer to my prayers. All I needed to do with His answer was to act on it – have the guts to act on it. One phrase repeatedly popped in my mind today: “Have courage.” I believe that was God’s voice telling me to do what I have to do, that I am one step closer towards His will.

I admit I am kinda weak when it comes to taking risks but today was a different thing. I need to do something, I need to act on it. And voila! I did it today. It was with a heavy heart imagining how it would affect other people. However, for the longest time I have always considered others, I must now do something for myself. If not now, then when? And with what I did, I have felt a really great peace of mind. And it was something I haven’t felt for the past few years.

I believe I am taking a leap of faith… and if it’s God’s will, I know I am taking the right direction. He revealed it to me today and I will do what He wants me to do. All glory is always His.

Carpe diem,
Jhen

Midnight Thoughts 01

Lately, I have been trying to figure out whether what I am doing with my life is all worthwhile or has it been quite well enough for me to be happy.

I realized I am dwelling so much in my comfort zone (for too long). I have always reasoned my introversion out just to keep myself from the awkwardness of adjusting to a totally different kind of situation. As much as I try to set myself to change my ways, I seem to hold back. Something just holds me back. And I honestly don’t know what it is.

I knew then that I needed some time off… from all of these. I wanna try something else, something new. Maybe traveling alone could help or meeting new friends, new things to do, new environment… Just all things new. I have always known that I’ve been wanting these things but whenever I try to, I seem to have this enemy in me that draws me out of it. And this mere awareness wasn’t enough help.

So, well, I am trying to figure myself out. Just like how I prayed I would. I know God will eventually show me His ways.

Carpe diem, Jhen

On Positive and Better Changes

Lately, I have been reading and following some articles online that inspired me to become a better version of myself — in all aspects of my life. I realized how important it is to notice my own self and actually do something worthwhile to “improve myself for myself.”

So you see, I am not really an expert on anything and I am not really good at giving advice or tips about everything. As a disclaimer, everything I am going to share to you is solely based on my own experiences.

improve-credit-score-in-one-year

While evaluating myself, I discovered that I have five important aspects in life to improve (in case we are on the same stand, I hope these help!):

Spiritual Life

I am very blessed to have grown up in a family where Jesus Christ has always been the center of everything. My parents have always demonstrated this love for God and His word and how important they are in everything that I do in life and that involves my choices and decisions. I am so grateful to be saved by Jesus Christ, my Lord and Personal Saviour, for saving a sinner like me from my sins, for giving up His life on the cross, and for giving me the promise of eternal life. My salvation is very important to me and as much as I can, I want to spread this gospel to others so they can experience God in their lives. I know in my little ways, giving the most available time I have in sharing the gospel is something big for God’s glory. I believe I must improve on this – winning souls. And aside from that, I need to be diligent in attending church activities, my bible reading and devotionals, as well as my prayer life. I firmly believe that I can do and achieve these because God has promised us that with Him, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

Health and Lifestyle

For the record, I am not a health buff nor a fashionista nor a beauty conscious individual. I often reject the idea of being too conscious of how I look like and how other people see me on the outside because I personally believe that what always matters is what is in the inside. However, I changed that perspective because it is equally important to pay (at least) some attention to how you look outside as a reflection of what’s inside – unless you want to look like you haven’t taken care of yourself for the past 23 years.

I am not the typical “hey, she has a great body” type of person and I am definitely not a girl who makes guys turn their heads twice because I possess a beauty of an angel or a porcelain doll. I don’t like make up until I realized how I need to at least put something on my face so I won’t look like a zombie. Moreover, my body type (I don’t call it fat) is on the chubby side. I am fluffy – that’s how I always describe myself. It didn’t really matter to me if I am thin or chubby. But lately, I realized that I must now focus on my health especially in my food intake and the need to exercise. I am not getting any younger!