Time check: it’s 12:48 AM and I am not sleepy yet. My surrounding is so quiet, lights are off, and everyone is asleep.
At this hour, I am thinking about the way I lived my life before this health crisis entered the scene. I wonder if I have lived it worthwhile or did I neglect the things I needed to be grateful for.
I realized that no matter how I thought I was doing good with my life, I fall short of too many things. I have not been productive enough, I was not the person I envisioned myself to be five years ago, I have not been very appreciative and thankful for the things that come my way, and I am not contributing enough to the society.
And I need to change it NOW.
This Covid-19 pandemic really has its own wonders of making people realize what we have been doing wrong when everything was normal.
Almost giving up. But when I give up, what will it cost?
Today, in the midst of uncertainty, God asks me, “What are you here for?” I was hesitant to answer. I am honestly not as strong as everyone else. I try not to take in and absorb any harsh, sarcastic words of falling short of my part – which already increases my anxiety. In effect, I wanted to distant myself from everyone as I thought my time and effort to are of no use.
However, as I am trying to sleep tonight, God spoke to me and He is saying that all of this is temporary. It is only Him who knows when this will end and that something better will take its place. He reminded me today that a lot of people did not give up yet – the frontliners.
God tells me that at this time, the more I am needed. If I allow myself to quit and allow all fear and negativity sink in, it will last forever – it will remind me for a lifetime how giving up costs much more.
Let us all do our part, pray, and work together to fight this virus.
I always thought that goodbyes are sad, tough, and really hard to do. I have encountered some goodbyes in the past and none of them seemed to be so exciting and fulfilling. But, in this phase in my life, I have never felt so excited to exit from something I have been longing to leave. Not that I am not grateful for being a part of it but having had the courage for letting go of something worthwhile to achieve better horizons and experience new opportunities… is the most satisfying kind of goodbye.
Goodbye to the old stresses.